My Decision to Have Lap Band Surgery: I Was Lapbanded 4 Years Ago This Week

Tomorrow, August 16^th marks four years since my lap band surgery story officially began.  Four years ago after thinking about weight loss surgery for years in silent seclusion and after doing a lot of research,  I took what at the time felt like a giant leap of faith and had lap band surgery.  (Read my surgery day story.)  Most days it feels like a lifetime ago – those are the days that I’m feeling strong and confident that I’ve conquered my obesity.  On other days it seems like yesterday that I was confused and desperate, toying with the radical idea of having weight loss surgery.

Like so many things in life, my path to lap band surgery was a life-changing fork in the road.  Here I am actually maintaining a normal, healthy weight since 2007.  That is something I never thought was in the cards for me.  I have achieved and surpassed my goals for lap band surgery.  I can’t help but wondering what my life would be like today if I didn’t decide to have lap band surgery.  I know it would be very different.  This is the painful image I have of where I might be if I had not found the courage and had not chosen to have lap band surgery:

My health if I did not chose to have a lap band AND learn to use it – I’d probably be plagued with chronic back problems and debilitating joint pain in my knees and hips.  I’d be on medication for high blood pressure and have difficulty walking up a flight of stairs.  Based on what my endocrinologist told me years ago I’d probably have diabetes or be well on my way.  My guess is that I’d also be suffering from depression.

My weight if I did not chose to have a lap band and learn to use it – I’d been yo-yoing all my life.  I probably would have gained and lost 50 lbs a few more times or I may have just given up.  Gaining at a rate of just 10 -15 pounds a year, I would have worked my weight into the high 200’s or more.  I’d weigh a lot more than my muscular 6’ tall husband.  I’d probably be wearing a 3X.

My quality of life if I did not chose to have a lap band and learn to use it – This might be the worst part for me.  I’m welling up with tears just thinking about how I might feel about myself, angry frustrated, ashamed.  I would probably be buying into all the negative stereotypes about people who are morbidly obese.  Those stereotypes are so unfair.  Obesity is not a choice!  For me long-term dieting was always like holding my breath, eventually I had to come up for air, but it’s just not that way now that I have my lap band.  Still I’m sure that my self-confidence would be so low that I’d probably be accepting those labels put on me.  Getting dressed would be a chore each day – the fear of facing my closet to see what might fit, the sea of black stretch waist pants, the array of sizes.  Would I volunteer in school?  Probably not.  I’d be angry with myself for the example I’d be setting for my kids.  I’d be embarrassed to get undressed in front of my husband.  I wouldn’t have scheduled my upcoming vacation at beach resort since wearing a bathing suit all week just wouldn’t be fun. I’d be avoiding the doctor’s office for fear of having to get on the scale. Who knows what physical limitations I’d be starting to experience?  Yet, I would get up each day, frustrated, angry and self-loathing on the inside and try to put on my happy face.  I’d still be pursuing a successful career, knowing there were some people wondering how such a successful executive could let herself go like that.

I could probably go on forever about how truly miserable I’d be feeling, but as you know that is NOT how my life is turning out.  And I wouldn’t have met Sandi, my dear friend and lap band mentor.  I certainly wouldn’t have had the courage to do something different with my time and pursue working with Sandi to pay it forward and create banded living to help other people like us.  You have no idea how much paying it forward feeds my soul and propels me on this wonderful journey.

So here I find myself on my 4^th year “bandiversay.”  I am maintaining a normal, healthy weight.  My skinny jeans fit.  I’m a great role model for my kids.  I am healthy.  I feel strong and sexy (on most days).  Yet I have to be honest with myself and share that I am at the high end of my final goal weight range. I also have to remind myself that I am human; I am struggling with 10 pounds like a normal person yet I have to be vigilant not to let this become an excuse.

Without my band I’m certain I’d weigh AT LEAST 100 – 150 pounds more than I weigh today.  Maintaining average weight loss with the lap band (defined at 50% excess weight loss) would be pretty easy for me at this point in my journey.  I find a lot of comfort in that.  But I want to maintain “results not typical”  because I want to be a role model for my kids; I want to continue loving living my life in my body; I want to give hope and inspiration to others.   So even after lap band surgery I need to work my tool so it’s back to basics.  I’ve scheduled an appointment with my surgeon to get a fill, I’m going to journal for a few weeks and I’m posting my rules of the band over my computer because even after four years that’s what I need to do!