My Fifth Halloween Since Lap Band Surgery – It’s Still a Little Scary

Halloween is just a few days away.  For me it marks the beginning of the holiday season; this holiday in particular brings up a flood of emotions from my childhood as an obese kid.  The good news is that Halloween isn’t so scary for me anymore.  It’s actually fun! But it wasn’t always that way.

As a kid, I loved to go trick-or-treating.  It was one of the few times that my mom let me have candy and I didn’t have to sneak those forbidden sweet treats.  I grew up in an apartment building in NYC city.  A group of kids from our building would go trick-or-treating together.  I was the only chubby one and I pretended not to care.  I would run up and down the hallways ringing doorbells, screaming “trick or treat, treat or treat, give me something good to eat”.  Then, I waited with anticipation for the door to open and see what goodies were dropped into my goody bag.  I’d keep a mental count of my favorite forbidden treats because as an obese child, my love hate relationship with food started way too early.  To be honest, as I write about this today, I just didn’t realize how painful this would be, but it also feels good to get out all these feelings that I had hidden away for so long.

Since we went trick or treating in an apartment building there was no need to wear a coat in NY on Halloween.  That meant the costumes were lightweight; I never had much fun dressing up for Halloween; I was always too embarrassed, but I didn’t want to miss the excitement, or the goodies, or admit to my mom or anyone else that I was embarrassed.  I remember the year I dressed up as a ballerina, all pink with a tutu.  I was only 5 or 6, but with all those rolls, what was my mother thinking.  My memories of Halloween as a kid weren’t very much fun.  I guess I learned to pretend that everything was ok at a very early age.  I never wanted my mom to see how much I was hurting.  She struggled with her own obesity issues. 

Then there was college.  By the time I went away to college, I learned that Halloween wasn’t only about the treats.  But I also realized I was different.  I just wasn’t that into Halloween.  I didn’t look forward to the parties or dressing up, I guess that’s because I just didn’t have that many fond memories.  Halloween reminded me about my battle with food, so many tempting treats (by this time I was an expert yo-yo dieter), and it was about my struggle to find a costume that I felt comfortable in.  By the time went away to college, most of the girls wore costumes that played up their cute little figures; not me.  Even when I was dieting down to my low weights, close to where I am maintaining now, I was still too uncomfortable to wear a cute costume; too many body image issues.

It’s different now since I’m finally winning my own personal battle with obesity. My kids have picked out their costumes.  My son is going as a member of a SWAT team – glad he passed on the gruesome costumes for a change.  My daughter is making her own costume – girl’s version of the Mad Hatter, very creative, very cute.  Neither of them is worrying about looking fat in their costumes because we have broken the cycle of obesity that runs in my family.  My kids LOVE Halloween; they are excited; they have fun.  That’s the way it should be.

A year and a half after my lap band surgery my daughter begged me to dress up with her for Halloween.  She was having a Halloween birthday party and wanted us to have matching costumes – she chose a devil princess.  At first I was mortified.  But I wanted to make her happy and one of my goals for lap band surgery was to start really participating in my kids lives rather than standing on the sidelines.  Well, as it turns out, I had a great time picking out my costume with Lexi. That Halloween was one of those happy mommy moments and I will never forget. And I’ve worn that costume for several years since because it still fits and it still looks good on me.

Then there’s the candy.  We have candy in the house.  We give out candy for Halloween, but there is no hiding or sneaking.  Now as I get ready to enjoy my 5^th Halloween since lap band surgery, Halloween is still a little scary; but it’s more ghoulish and spooky.  I still have to deal with all that candy though.  So I was happy to find an article by a bariatric surgeon with tips for maintaining your post weight-loss-surgery eating habits without sacrificing the fun.  I’ll take all the help I can get!

 I’m celebrating Halloween 2010.  Last night we went with friends to Screemfest at an amusement park in New Hampshire.  I went on all the rides because it was fun, and I fit comfortably in the seats with plenty of room to spare, and the rides don’t strain and creek with my weight.  The rides are fun.  Even though my daughter was terrified of some of the costumes, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Leatherface was just too much for her, my kids had a great time.  When we woke up this morning my son said “Mommy, I love you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking us last night.  You’re the best mom in the world”.  So let’s be honest, it doesn’t get any better than that. 

So it’s my fifth Halloween since lap band surgery, and I’m looking forward to Halloween.  How cool is that!